


To Trust Someone

by bramblefae



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Chastity, Friendship, Gen, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 16:37:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1192209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bramblefae/pseuds/bramblefae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A small scene in which Sebastian is given the responsibility of being trusted, without having been asked his opinion about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Trust Someone

**Author's Note:**

> This little one shot came about because I am fascinated with people who take vows of chastity in life, *After* having known sex and intimacy. I always wonder if they have doubts, or miss it at all, and Sebastian was kind enough to let me explore that briefly using him. :)

I propped myself up on one elbow to address the woman who'd just gracefully plopped herself into the dirt at the foot of my bedroll. We were camped on the Wounded Coast for the evening and I could see behind her our other two companions.

Anders was sleeping the sleep of the righteous, or at least the sleep of the slightly mad and Fenris was peering into the fire as if it held some sort of answer. I refocused my gaze onto Hawke and spoke quietly. "Are you alright, Hawke? Is there something I can do for you?" Hawke met my eyes and then looked away. If I didn't know better, I'd say she was embarrassed. I thought this odd as we'd been in close quarters fairly often as she got sent hither and yon on behalf of Kirkwall. I'd seen her exchange ribald jokes, sometimes at me even, so I was not sure what was bothering her.

"Sebastian, do you ever miss the touching?" A part of my stomach dropped and I wondered if I should panic or pray. Maybe both. She didn't move, though, was still sitting at my feet, so I took a deep breath or two before I answered. "The touching? The whoring, you mean?" I said this a little more sharply than I meant to, and I bit down on anything else I might say.

Hawke looked startled. "No! I mean just the touching. The sleeping next to someone." This took me by some surprise and I took a moment to compose my thoughts to make sure I gave her the best answer I could. "Well, Hawke, that wasn't something I did much of, actually. To spend a night sleeping next to someone requires more intimacy and more trust than I had at that point in my life."

She nodded as if my statement confirmed something for her. "Then you do understand what I mean. To trust someone enough to fully surrender...I forget what that feels like, sometimes." I saw where this was going, and I decided to panic first. I'd pray later.

"Hawke. I...I am fond of you, as you surely know. You are a good friend to me but you know that I have taken vows..." She made a noise that might have been a laugh, or something else, but she still refused to look at me. "Sebastian Vael, I am not trying to have sex with you. If that was what I wanted, I wouldn't start with the only confirmed brother I know. It seems self defeating."

She looked at me then, her gold eyes dark as the fire at her back was hiding her expression. "I just...want to surrender to sleep for once. To feel safe and protected, instead of always being the protector. For just a few hours, and Sebastian-I trust you not to take advantage of this."

But did I trust myself? I was fully aware of the honor and responsibility she had lain at my feet, both literally and figuratively and I quailled briefly, not sure if I was man enough. I closed my eyes and commended my soul to the Maker.

When I opened my eyes again, she was still looking at me with that unreadable expression and I lifted up the edge of my blanket in silent invitation. Hawke hesitated for a second, then crawled into my bedroll, laying her head on my shoulder and being obviously careful about where we touched.

I froze for a few moments, willing my heart to stop pounding. I didn't have the heart to tell her that her carefulness would be my undoing, so I gently took her and turned her away from me, fitting myself carefully behind her. As I smoothed her hair down out of my face, she spoke very softly. "Thank you, Sebastian." I didn't answer her, but put my arm over hers.

I lay very still then, and listened until her breathing evened as she drifted into sleep. Then, I prayed. In gratitude that I know this woman and call her friend. In plea that I may not betray the trust she has thrust upon me. And for forgiveness that this felt far more like sin than it should.


End file.
